Ritual de lo Habitual.
Cheers to a NEW YEAR!
I learned to bite my nails watching women in my family bite theirs to bleeding. Looking at my crusted, busted cuticles, I always felt disgusted.
Biting my nails was gross and hurt, but more than that, it felt vulnerable because I’ve always thought people who bite their nails are nervous and anxious. Obviously, my ragged, jagged nails exposed similar truths about me.
You see, I have my shit together.
Always and in all ways.
I present well—big smile, loud laugh, and loads of confidence—holding it together under stress and overburdened, but my fingernails suggest to anyone paying attention my shit might not be totally together.
But ONE session with an incredible hypnotherapist ended the habit.
Initially, I’d scheduled the hypnotherapy session with Lori Bell Herring to figure out if some wretched memories I had were true or not.
They were, unfortunately, true true true.
But we moved so quickly through their discovery and subsequent healing, Lori asked if there was anything else I wanted to work on—
Me: I’d love to stop biting my nails.
LB: Okay, let’s do that.
Me: But, wait. If I stop biting my nails, will that habit manifest into a different, possibly worse, habit? I don’t want to start pulling out my eyebrows!
LB: No, we’ll get to the root of why you’re biting your nails and heal it.
Heal? It didn’t dawn on me there was something to heal other than torn cuticles.
Lori asked me to trust her, to be vulnerable, and to and say anything and everything that came into my mind.
Holy shit. What happened next is nearly indescribable. The best way I can put to words what was “at the root” of me biting my nails is the that crazy-ass Demogorgon from the “Upside-Down” on Stranger Things.
Seriously.
Lori helped to exorcise some intense reasons biting my nails disgusted and embarrassed me but also the deep and emotional reasons I wanted to quit.
Since that session in May 2023, the one time I nearly bit my nails, a pang of disgust moved my hand away from my mouth. I haven’t bitten my nails since.
It’s interesting to look at how habits form, why they continue, and what purpose they serve in terms of creating the life and energy we want—or not.
I’m a sucker for a new year and January 1st. I’m that person who dives head first into a mound of magazines, spending hours creating the vision board I’ll meditate and take action on every day for the next year. On my board are new habits I’ll aspire to practice: eating better, traveling more, exercising my body/mind, breathing slower, and dreaming bigger—always dreaming bigger.
My daughter gave me this quote I have above my computer: “Get into the habit of asking yourself, ‘Does this support the life I’m trying to create?’”
Simple but profound. Researchers suggest we can form habits anywhere between 21 and 66 days, although drinking water every morning might be easier than running every day, so one habit might develop faster than others.
What habits will you put into practice this year because they will support the life you’re trying to create?
In the last few years, I’ve developed the habit of writing every day: I get up, make coffee, drink warm lemon water, light a candle, chat with my vision board, turn on my computer and background music, then settle in. This happens every morning between 4-5am, when the house is fast asleep.
This habit serves the life I’m trying to create. Big time.
To break a habit, researchers suggest it can take 18 to 254 days. Two years ago, I broke the habit of drinking Chardonnay most nights. It was lovely and relaxing but didn’t serve the life I was creating. I needed the pistons of my creativity firing at top speed, needed to be ready to receive the magic from the muses, and my body needed to be strong physically and energetically to get BRIGHT EYES PUBLISHED! I also couldn’t reconcile sitting at book clubs and talking about my alcoholic mother while sipping a glass of vino.
I think I’ll probably have a martini or two once I retire because it fits my romanticized idea about sipping one while driving a golf cart decorated with twinkling lights—while wearing a remarkably bright, bold kaftan ala Mrs. Roper style! But, otherwise, the alcohol habit is done for now.
What habits will you break this year because they don’t support the life you’re trying to create?
What’s at the core of why you want to break the habits you’re thinking about? I hope you don’t have your own STRANGER THINGS moment, of course, but I think it’s important to get to the real reasons if we want to say Sayonara for good. Be patient with yourself if the habit is the “254 days to break” kind and be sure to celebrate yourself for breaking habits that happen a bit easier!
Gratitude for ourselves is just as powerful as the gratitude we give to others, the universe, and whatever higher power guides us.
Cheers to 2026 and letting go of what doesn’t serve us to make room for what does!
Write on!
Wow! I’d love to hear more about how this hypno session managed to work for you!!!
Aw, I love your goals with your writing routine and not drinking alcohol. If you are already four days into setting up your environment like that for writing between 4am-5am, then you are waaaay more disciplined than me! Happy New Year, my sweet friend. I think it's going to bring amazing things for all of us :)